Why Am I So Angry After Having a Baby?

Understanding Mom Rage, Mental Load & Postpartum Anxiety
🧠 Tips From a Licensed Therapist & Mom of 3

If you’re a new mom feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or like you’re one tiny mess away from snapping, you’re not broken, there's nothing wrong with you and you're not alone. 

What you're feeling might be more than everyday stress. It could be a combination of postpartum anxiety, mental overload, and something often unspoken: mom rage.

Let’s talk about why it happens and what actually helps.

Your Brain Is Wired for Survival, Not Perfection

Your brain doesn’t care whether you want to be the perfect gentle parent or stay calm through every tantrum. Its number one job is survival.

For many postpartum moms that means your nervous system is working overtime, often without enough rest, support, or space to reset.

The Real Issue: Brain Overload

Science shows your brain can only hold about 3 to 6 things at once (Cowen, 2001). But most moms are juggling:

• Crying babies

• Forgotten diapers on the way out the door

• Group texts from friends, family, and other social groups

• Snack duty

• Guilt

• Postpartum emotions

• Planning dinner, logistics, and everyone's appointments

That’s when your brain hits full capacity.

Fast Fact: You’re Not Broken. You’re Overloaded.

If you’ve been wondering:

“Why am I so angry after having a baby?”
“Why do I feel like I’m going to snap?”
“Is this postpartum depression or just stress?”

Here’s the truth. Your brain is overloaded.

Understanding Mental Load and “Switch Cost”

When your brain switches between tasks too fast, it pays a mental fee called switch cost (Rogers & Monsell, 1995).

You pause the first task without completing it, reset, and reload the next one. Over and over.

Each “open task” becomes a tab in your brain. And those tabs stay open until your system short-circuits.

When Overload Becomes Survival Mode

When you're maxed out, your brain switches into survival mode, suppressing non-essential functions like:

• Memory

• Patience

• Focus

• Planning

If you’ve experienced postpartum rage, anxiety, or sudden emotional outbursts, it’s your nervous system asking for help.

The Stress Response = Mom Rage

Once your nervous system activates, you're in fight-or-flight. This full-body stress mode can leave you:

• Snapping

• Zoning out

• Crying

• Exploding

• Feeling shame even when “nothing big” happened

This is mom rage. It’s also one of the ways postpartum depression and anxiety can show up.

Your brain is telling you it needs space and care to recover.

When to Seek Help

It’s one thing to feel stressed. It’s another thing to feel stuck.

If you’re experiencing intense postpartum anxiety, rage, or depression that interferes with your ability to function or enjoy your baby, it’s time to reach out.

Here are some signs you might need more support:

• You feel like you're always on edge or ready to explode

• You dread the day before it starts

• You feel like your family would be better off without you

• You cry frequently but don’t know why

• You feel shame or guilt over things that used to feel manageable

• You fantasize about running away, disappearing, or not waking up

• You no longer feel like yourself

Please know you are human, and humans need help sometimes.

Talk to your doctor, a licensed therapist, or call Postpartum Support International at 1-800-944-4773. You can feel better with help and do not have to carry this alone.

How to Reset a Mom Brain in Survival Mode

When everything feels like too much, don’t push through.
Give yourself permission to pause.

Even 30 seconds of intentional stillness can shift your brain out of fight-or-flight and into calm (Siegel, 2012).

Try this:

• Stop

• Feel your feet on the ground

• Drop your shoulders

• Inhale for 4, exhale for 6 (Porges, 2011)

Practicing this when things are calm can help you access it when things are not.

The Power of Closing Just One Thing

You don’t have to fix everything.

Just closing one task can ease the mental load:

• Throw the laundry in the dryer

• Answer a text you enjoy

• Sit down (away from the sink or kitchen) and finish your coffee

Studies show completing a single task reduces anxiety, boosts memory, and gives your brain a hit of dopamine (Baumeister & Vohs, 2016).

Let Help Be Imperfect

Many new moms want help but don’t know how to accept it.

If someone offers to pitch in, say yes.
If the towels are folded differently - look away and let them.
If the babys outfit doesn’t match - ignore it and enjoy the free time.

Let help be imperfect and received. It frees up your brain, your body, your energy, and brings your support system in closer to you.

Gentle Living: Less Pressure, More Peace

Social media pressure can make postpartum anxiety worse.
If your feed makes you feel like you're failing, mute it.

Be kind to yourself.
Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend:

• “Of course I’m overwhelmed. I’m doing a lot.”

• “I don’t have to do everything today.”

• “It’s okay to pause.”

Kindness is productive. Rest is allowed. Healing takes time.

About Me

I'm Dahlia Rizk, a licensed mental health counselor and mom of three.
I’ve been parenting for 26 years and helping moms with PTSD, anxiety, postpartum depression, and burnout for over 17 years.

I also invented Buckle Me Baby Car Seat Coats (yes the ones on Shark Tank) and Blowout Blockerz Pajamas to make your life easier. Over the next few months Ill sharing more mental health posts to help make your thoughts easier too.

💬 I’ll be posting more like this.
What would you like to talk about next? Email me and Ill talk about it! hello@bucklemecoats.com